- Cullman, Alabama


March 18, 2013

COMMENTARY: Sarah Palin is out to SAVE Christmas!


The War on Christmas is like alien spacecraft and true love — one of those things that seems to be visible only to people who already believe in it. The rest of us are baffled. Who are these people who think there's a war on Christmas and Christmas isn't winning? Have they ever visited a Starbucks?

I also take issue with the title. A Happy Holiday isn't necessarily a Merry Christmas. Sometimes, you just wish someone a pleasant Hanukkah!

I was hoping the book would be aimed at children and would be some sort of variation on "How the Secular Grinches Stole 'Christ' Out of Christmas." But, alas, it apparently isn't.

"Why are you taking my Christmas tree, why?" Cindy Lou Palin-Who? would ask, looking sad, and the Grinch would reply that it was because Harry Reid had given him specific instructions to do so and that later he was going to come back with first lady Michelle Obama, take away Cindy Lou's candy canes and force her to do jumping jacks. The one bright spot in an otherwise bleak story would be Cindy Lou's discovery of Clean Coal in her stocking. Everything would end with the Whos holding hands and feeling benevolent toward all men (except the Whos outside the circle who did not celebrate Christmas and found this whole thing kind of awkward). I could picture it being very heartwarming. I would read all the copies of it you put in front of me. Heck, if Palin doesn't use this idea, I might pitch it myself. Or, at the very least, rework it for my Put Thor Back in Thursday campaign.

Still, what an odd reminder of how much has changed since 2008. Sarah Palin is gone and Tina Fey is still here, active, beloved, hosting the Golden Globes. It turned out she had one vital advantage over Sarah Palin, career-wise — she could stop being Sarah Palin whenever she wanted to.

(Oh, who am I kidding, it'll probably sell.)

Text Only
  • COMMENTARY: A break from the campaign rhetoric

    The collective sigh of relief felt throughout Cullman Wednesday morning signaled the end of another primary political season the previous night. As Wednesday’s Times headline told us, it was a clean sweep.

    July 21, 2014

  • Harris Coleman COMMENTARY: Billy Coleman, a true statesman

    King Solomon said, “Pride will ruin people, but those who are humble will be honored.” He also said, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Billy Coleman, the past elected superintendent of Cullman County Schools, is the living example of these wise statements of truth.

    July 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • COMMENTARY: Twisty road back to Cullman

    The young journalist who was somewhat listening to the elder newspaperman on the other side of the desk didn’t have a clue.

    July 19, 2014

  • EDITORIAL: Judge makes the right decision

    Many people are closely following the case of Jay Maynor, the man charged with murdering a man convicted of molesting his daughter 12 years ago.

    July 7, 2014

  • EDITORIAL: Truth and independence

    Somewhere along a colonial road between Lexington and Concord, Americans found their courage and resolve to become independent.

    July 4, 2014

  • EDITORIAL: Taking charge with a vote

    The Democratic and Republican primaries arrive Tuesday morning across the state, with many election officials and candidates fearing a low turnout could be in store for what otherwise should be cause for a great gathering of citizens.

    June 3, 2014

  • EDITORIAL: A state dying from drug use

    Alabama coroners, with the power to order and log results of  toxicology reports, hold the key to important information for families and law enforcement officials.

    May 20, 2014

  • EDITORIAL: Looking beyond the standard

    Cullman County schools superintendent Billy Coleman opened a wide door of opportunity when he supported a transition to an appointed executive to lead the local education system.

    May 20, 2014

  • Editorial: Meal money violates trust

    As various local political candidates dash toward the June 3 primary, a troublesome issue remains unattended on the table.

    May 11, 2014

  • EDITORIAL: GSC teams a boost to area

    Cullman is full of a lot of new faces this week as the NCAA Division II Gulf South Conference Softball Championship unfolds at Heritage Park.

    May 2, 2014